photo credit: voyageAnatolia.blogspot.com

Now, let us not get arragant. I can assure you that everyone of us has fallen into this arena of not being thankful.  When the Lord graciously brought this to my attention I asked for His forgiveness and also requested that He would always make me mindful of His blessings that are around me and to also give me the discipline, in the good times, to pause and give Him thanks and praise when everything seemed to be going right. I believe it really pleases the Lord when His kids take time to praise Him in the good times rather than the Lord having to allow some of the challenges in life come our way so we will bend our knees and fellowship with Him. I believe it touches our Father deeply when we make a dedicated decision to thank Him when all seems well rather than us only calling on Him to fix what is broken or messed up!

It reminds me of the story in the New Testement where Jesus Himself tells of the ten lepers. He lovingly touched and prayed for their healing. All ten were instantly and Miraculously healed! Jesus told them to present themselves to the Jewish priest, which was a custom of the Jews which you can find in the book of Leviticus. All ten of them ran to the Priest but the story tells us that only one of these cleansed lepers came back to Jesus.

As he was running to the city he may have thought about what Jesus did for him. I am not talking about the healing itself. I am taLkng about the restoration to his family and friends. You see, the lepers were put out of the camp because they were considered “un-clean.” They had to leave their family, friends, jobs, and life as they knew it because this disease would spread to others and infect the whole city. Jesus also took away his shame. You see when people would walk close to a leper, th leper would have to yell a warning to the passer-by, “I am a leper, un-clean, turn away from me.” They most likely had not been touched by another human-being in years until Jesus reached out with His loving hands and they felt the warmth of His unconditonal love. While he was running to be “officially” pronouced whole by the Priest the Bible tells us that he stopped, turned and began running back towards our Lord! He went back to worship and to adore the one that gave him his life back! This man was a, “Mountain Top Worshipper!  He could have ran on with the other nine that were healed and continued running until he embraced his family again but he did’nt. Right in the middle of his excitement, his blessing, his healing, his renewed life he made a choice to pause and praise!  God’s Word tells us in John Chapeter 17 verse 15 that this man, “turned back and with a LOUD voice glorified God, and fell down at His feet giving Him thanks.” Jesus went on to tell the leper in verse 19, “arise and go your way: your faith has made you whole.”

I want to be this kind of worshiper. Right in the middle of God’s belssings, right in the center of His favor I want to lift a loud and obvious voice for all to hear how good my Lord is to me! I don’t want my Father to feel that He has to use difficult circumstances to constantly get my attention. I want to shout from the Mountain- Top, that God is so good to me and I will bless Him in the good times and in the difficult times of life!

Surely you  have a desire to be a, “Mountain- Top Worshipper?  Surely you would like to touch the very heart of God?

May the Lord give you the foresight to thank and praise Him when things are going well rahter than a trip through the dusty, hot, lonely and dry desserts of life!

Be a Mountain-Top Worshipper!!!

JJCLAY

photo credit: scottog

I was looking back on my journey of faith and remembering all of the tough times that I had experienced and how the Lord had brought me through them all. Fortunately through these difficult times I have seen some growth in my spiritual walk.
Early on in my faith when something difficult came out of left field and blind-sided me, I often asked, WHY! Why me Lord, why now, why not someone else, why do I have to go through this, why not him or her? We have all asked the age old question of, “why does bad things happen to good people?” The answer is very simple, It is because of sin which came through the fall of the first man Adam. The Bible says, It rains on the just and the unjust.” However, as a Christian we can have confidence that when some trial, trouble or even tragedy happens in our lives God will use it to strengthen our faith and mature us as men and women of God! The Bible says again, ” all things work together for good to those who love Him (God) and are called according to His purpose.” In Christ we are encompassed by His Grace. Nothing is allowed in that circle of protection unless God allows it and if He allows it then He is looking for a child who will say WHAT instead of Why! What is it Lord that you are trying to teach me, what is it Lord that I need to understand, what do I need to do, what is it in my life that you are trying to work out? These are the words of faith and submission our Father wants to hear.
As a natural and earthly dad I am appreciative of my childrens faith in me to always try and do good unto them. I have been consistent in my love toward them and because of this they have grown to trust what I say. When I tell them to do something my kids do not ask WHY they ask WHAT. What can I do to help you daddy. Now if that makes a human dad proud can you imagine how proud your Heavenly Father will be when you and I consistantly say WHAT.
So, when you are going through it and the walls seem to be caving in, you may feel as though you are hanging on the ropes in the 15th round, or you feel that you simply cannot go on any more, this is the moment when you and I need to say, WHAT Lord.
JJClay

photo credit: honeycut07

-Todd Giannmore
-5th Grade teacher
-Ringgold Elementary School
br />Start Time: 1:15p
Date: 2010-03-29
End Time: 2:00p

photo credit: ourcommon

We will have to travel 2 1/2 days after we arrive just to get to their tribe in the bush country. This will mean some true outdoor camping and most of you know that my type of camping is in a Holiday Express It will be a physically challenging trip to endure but I am praying and trusting for many souls to come to Christ.

The National Pastor I have worked with over the past 4 years has planted one of his graduate Pastors with the Turkanna Tribe. He has been building relationship with then for over a year now by caring for their personal needs. We are trusting with this unconditional love; they will now be receptive to our Lord\’s unconditional love and Grace!

I am equally excited that I will be able to share this experience with my oldest daughter Anna! She has a real desire and burden for the children there and has been tithing over the last four years to help feed the children in Siaya where I will be leading a Crusade in their Market Place before we come back home.

Please consider praying for this trip, our safety and for the Holy Spirit to begin working to prepare their hearts to receive the Gospel message. I am believing for dozens and even hundreds of souls to be saved!
If you have a passion to see souls saved and a desire to invest financially toward our trip, we would be grateful and I am confident your investment will have eternal consequences! Thank you in advance for your thoughtful prayers.

Asante Sana,
(Thank you very much)

Jeff and Anna Clay

Start Date: 2010-02-18
End Date: 2010-03-02

photo credit: NKPhillips

Most of us have heard the old saying,”for every problem there is a solution”! Many times it helps us discern the solution much better if we completely understand the problem. I have found through the years when discussing the Bible and sharing my faith in Jesus that I encounter many now that have believed the lie that there are many roads or paths to God, and Christ’s sacrifice has simply been added as just, one of the ways to God. I have heard the analogy that every road or path leads to God. I travel quite a bit with my occupation and I can tell you of a truth that I cannot get to California driving on Interstate I-75 north or South! All roads, paths, trains, cars, planes, streams, or rivers DO NOT lead to the same destination! I can assure you that these other religions will lead you to “a” god but not to The God of Heaven, Earth, the Seas and all that are contained in them!
There are several points I want to make to this pagan new-ageism approach. First, you must ask yourself these questions. What is the problem? What is separating me from God? What has come between us and how do I now approach God? The answer to this problem is found in the Bible. Please take a look at Genesis Chapter 3 with me. Adam and Eve have been given a great privilege to have complete dominion over all the Earth and everything living. God was also intimately involved with his kids. It is said that He would come to the garden in the evening. We believe that the Lord of all creation had a personal and intimate relationship with them and they walked through the garden and spent time together. God had spoken early on to Adam and gave him the pleasure of everything in the garden yet He just placed one item there that had a restriction. It was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The Lord asks his child not to partake of this fruit for in the day that he did eat, he would SURELY die. Let’s fast forward a bit and you see Eve being tempted by the enemy and partaking of this forbidden fruit. She did not have to go very far to find Adam and offer this fruit to him because the Bible says that she turned and gave to Adam and he ate.
So, you have what appears to be a contradiction. God said emphatically that, “in the day that you eat thereof you will ‘surely” die. If you study the genealogy of Adam, the Bible clearly shows that he continued to have physical life until he was 930 years of age. So, if God said he would surely die, in that day, and he didn’t, then what is going on here? Well, I have found that if you see what appears to be a contradiction in the Bible, there is usually something more there and I need to study a little bit deeper. There was a death that day. We do know that eventually a physical death caught up with Adam and he did die. However, there was another death that day and it is called, “Spiritual Death.” Spiritual death simply put is a separation from a Holy God. That day Adam died spiritually and was eternally separated from a holy God. He could no longer have face-to-face fellowship anymore because if sin. As a matter-of-fact the Lord created the only way man could approach him and that was through the sacrifice of an innocent life for the guilty. The Bible says in Leviticus that, “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness of sins.” That day God took an innocent lamb and took its life in the place of Adam’s. Then the Lord brought skins of the animal for them to cover themselves. Adam had attempted to approach God just after this sin by taking fig leaves and covering himself which was the first human act of “self-righteousness and God would have none of it. You see, this is today’s religious approach to God. They attempt to approach God with their own terms and not His design. This is called works based salvation. Cain approached God this way and his sacrifice and attitude was rejected by God but Abel’s sacrifice, the shed blood of an innocent lamb and his attitude of pleasing God, was accepted.
Now for the solution part of our story the Bible goes on to teach us that God gave to Moses a commandment for the children of Israel to annually make a sacrifice of a young lamb to Him to atone or cover their sins and transgressions. So, every year a family had to take a perfect and spotless lamb and sacrifice it for the family’s sins. This was a temporary design from God to point to a more perfect sacrifice. Because a perfect man, Adam, sinned there had to be another perfect man, Jesus, to live a sinless life and die in the place of His fallen and helpless creation. The Bible clearly states in several places that Jesus was the Lamb of God who was slain from the foundation of the World.
God is Holy and He requires complete justice. God stated to Adam that when you eat of the tree there will truly be a death. God knew there would have to be a death and not just any death. There were many men crucified in the first Century. Jesus was not alone in this type of death but He was different in the fact that He chose to die this awful death for us and He was not guilty. No one could condemn Him of sin. No one was able to bring any accusation against Him that could be justified. Finally, the statement that was used to judge Him of sin was a statement of truth from His own lips in answering the religious men that were trying to find a way to kill him saying, “You will see the Son of man descending on the clouds of Glory with power and authority.” Again, Jesus declaring that He was very God of Very God! There is no other religious leader at any time in history that claimed to be God, to prophesy of his own sacrificial death, to rise again from the grave and be seen of more than 500 men ascending to His Father in Heaven in a cloud, and do it! I like what C.S. Lewis said about Jesus’ claims of being very God of very God. Lewis stated that, “Jesus is either a lunatic, liar or Lord, He can only be one of these”!
Now you know the problem is sin which has come between you and the Holy God and the only solution that has been given to man is trusting Jesus alone who died in your place, by taking on your debt of sin, was buried and arose on the third day, because sin could not hold Him there,
Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life. No man can come to the Father (who resides in Heaven) except through me.” John 14
I am persuaded that He is the only way! What path are you on?
J.J.Clay

photo credit: Mr Tickle – Wachoo Wachoo Tribe Congressman

Just Get Over IT!

Chapter 1-Define your IT!

Defining your IT is a lot like the person who goes to their first AA meeting and sits down with the assembled group as they one-by-one stand up and come to the podium and states, “Hello, my name is John Doe and I am an Alcoholic!” You see, you cannot define it, if you will not acknowledge it exists! It is so comical how people talk about neighbors, relatives, friends, strangers in the mall and the poor soul on TV about how dysfunctional they are. We can see it in everyone. We can see it especially in our spouse’s family or our friend’s children. We have so many thoughts on how we would do things differently if it were my kids, my parents, or my in-laws! It is amazing how we have 20-20 vision looking outside the window, but we are blind when we look into the mirror.

Jesus put this in perspective and really grabbed his crowd’s attention when he spoke the following words that gave a picture image which would have brought forth some laughter in the crowd as they recognized their own outward focus when he said in Matthew chapter 7: 2-6, “And why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brothers eye.”(NASB)

To put this in today’s understanding would be like a person having an eyelash in their eye and another person with a telephone pole protruding out of their eye trying to assist the person to get the eyelash out. This would be a ridiculous situation, wouldn’t you agree? We would point, stare, laugh and joke about a person so foolish to think that they could, at a minimum, hold that telephone pole up off of the ground, much less maneuvering it around and trying their best not to knock the other person unconscious in the process! Unfortunately, we must all confess that we have done this on many occasions.

Jesus also calls them Hypocrites. When we think of a hypocrite, we visualize a person who speaks one way and acts another. When Jesus spoke this in the First Century, he was using something they would understand and could visualize. First Century actors would use masks in a play. If the scene called for an actor to be happy, then they would put a mask with a smile carved into it and hold it up over their faces. In essence, Jesus was saying to the man with the protrusion out of his eye, “Dear sir, you are as an actor on the stage.” You have problems underneath the mask, but the mask is portraying you as happy. You have issues under that mask that you need to deal with first before you try to correct the issues that your friend has.

So, to begin your healing process you must realize that it is mandatory to take the mask off and the telephone pole out of your eye right now so you can see more clearly. When the mask and pole are gone, you will be gazing into the mirror with a clear view of a person in need to confess that they have an it and even greater a need to define it! Please do not feel alone, and thinking you are the only person reading this book with an it. Everyone has an it, and most of us have multiple its!

The life issues which I have defined as our its, began approximately 6000 years ago and continue to this day. The story we all have heard and some of us have read about in children’s church is in regards to our forefather and mother, Adam and Eve. In the garden there was absolute perfection. Not a hair out of place and not a freckle to be found. They were graciously given everything they could ever need or desire in that garden. They had food to eat and seeds to grow more. with such variety that there should not have been a desire for anything more. The colors I imagine were brilliant and inviting to the eyes for this couple. I cannot even speculate the exquisite and undefiled taste of those fruits, nuts and figs in their state of perfection! They had a sense of purpose, tilling and keeping the garden. They had each other and were commanded by the Lord to go and multiply and fill the earth. Now that has to occupy some time and attention! They could do virtually anything except for one thing. The Lord told Adam not to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil because when he did he would surely die.

Well, you know the rest of the story. Not very long afterwards they made a willful decision and disobeyed the Lord and ate it! That’s right, they ate it. That was the beginning of it. The Garden of Eden is where it started and proceeded from. You see, since Adam and Eve ate it and you are their children’s, children’s, children….. Then you have it within you and have passed it along to your kids as well.

So, I commended you that you were right! Your neighbors, friend’s kids, strangers in the mall and all of those people on TV have it as well. Now don’t you feel better knowing that you are not in it all alone? Now that we realize that we are in this together, we can take our masks off and be direct with one another. It is imperative to understand that to begin the healing process you must now, “Define your it!”

Well, we authors are real good about telling you what to do and not telling you how to do it. So, I would now enjoy helping you understand how to define it and, consequently, how to JUST GET OVER IT! .

How do you define it ? Well, you first must be able to recognize it. It can be a person, a specific problem, insecurities, fear, hurt, discouraging words, guilt, physical challenges, emotional scars, anger, shyness and a laundry list of other challenges that this life can bring. It is those life challenges that make your it unique to you.
Your personal challenges are specific to you even though others have experienced the same life “hurdles.” I found this out the hard way. Just because I had some challenging experiences with my dad (more about this in chapter 2) did not mean that I understood those of others. To explain this I will tell you of a valuable life lesson of mine that I trust will help you. I lost my job due to my position being moved out of town. I did not relocate my family, so I began searching for another job. I prayed diligently and the only door that was opened to me was in the funeral business. I learned many valuable life lessons there. (Probably enough for a good book, too.)

We had A gentleman that died and I answered the “Death Call.” A death call is where a family or facility calls the funeral home and the Funeral Director sends the person on duty out to retrieve the body of the deceased and bring them to the Funeral Home and prepare the body for the mortician. I brought this gentleman into the Funeral Home early that morning about 3:00 am. I went back home and was able that night to get a couple of hours sleep. I was working that day as well, so I got back up and went to work at 8:00 am. We contacted the daughter who was out of state and she seemed distant. Not just mileage but emotionally distant to the point of coming across as uncaring and cold toward her dad’s demise. We called her to request permission to embalm the body as he had now been deceased more than eight hours. Due to Rigormortis you only have a small window of opportunity to work on the body before it is simply too late to have a successful embalming procedure.
We waited all day for that daughter to call back. I had the responsibility of going back and checking on the body all day long. Now, this is very morbid, but it will help you understand my feelings and thoughts about the situation. I literally watched this man’s body go from an ashy gray to a dark blue to a darker color that one cannot really explain in words. This man was decaying on this stainless steel table, and we were helpless to do anything about it! Even I would not let this happen to my dad even though we had severe issues.
Several conversations with the daughter proved to me that she was not a nice person. I made several negative comments to one of the other funeral directors in charge of this service, and he did not respond to them. We finally got the approval from the daughter to embalm her dad later in the day. It was close to being too late for us to refresh his decomposing body, but the mortician on duty, with a great deal of care, was able to bring this man’s body back to a fleshy color that was presentable to family and friends for viewing. The daughter arrived and I acted professional; however, I still had negative feelings toward her. The funeral director spent the necessary time with her in the arrangement office to finalize the services we would conduct for her. She left the building, and the director in charge of the arrangements and I proceeded to the laboratory to dress, place, and then present his body in the family room for visitation later that evening.

As we were making the final touches on his garments and making sure he was presentable to the family, the funeral director told me about his conversation with the daughter as she was completing her dad’s arrangements. She was very emotional as she shared a family secret with that director. When I heard it I was mortified, no pun intended, and embarrassed about my former feelings about her. She told the director that her dad had molested and raped her for years, and she had to come to terms with it, before she could take care of his arrangements with a right heart.

Needless to say from that day forward I never assumed again how someone feels or try to guess why they say or make the decisions they do in any circumstance. Through this I learned that it is best never to say to a person in a difficult situation,” I know how you feel,” even if you are experiencing what appears to be identical circumstances. What it looks like on the outside can be much different on the inside!” Also, we all come from different backgrounds and family dynamics that give us our unique perceptions. I took away several meaningful life lessons from this job. One you and I do not know how someone feels in times of loss, hurt, or pain just because you had a similar experience. Two, the best thing you can do, especially at a funeral, is to not say a word. Just be there for them and listen. Silence can be the most powerful statement you will ever make!

Defining some of your its may be quite simple because they are raw and on the surface or they feel like twenty foot monsters stepping on your shoulders or chest. Other its can be very subtle and hard to pin down. Even worse, you can put them in mental filing cabinets and store them deep into the back of the drawer of your mind and they may even be forgotten to some degree. I would encourage you to take out a pen and paper at this point so that you can begin to speak out loud the things that upset you as a child, growing up, or currently, as a young person or full-grown adult still dealing with a past or present hurt. Say and write the obvious things that have hurt you. Jot down the name of the person, persons, institutes or things that hurt you. Make a list of discouraging words spoken into your life by people that mean the most to you or have some influence in your life. Remember the hurts of past or present loves. Think of emotional battles that you continue to deal with, such as fear, timidity, shyness, anger, an inferiority complex, and so forth.

There is something powerful about writing this down. It makes it legitimate. It brings it out into the open. It makes it real. It is the beginning of a confession to yourself and the starting line of the race. I should tell you though that speaking and writing these things on paper may bring up suppressed emotions that you have filed away for years. The reason there is no healing is that you have not confessed their presence.
Many of us in the Christian faith have been taught not to speak about it and maybe it will go away with enough prayer. Do not pay attention to it or confess it or it will take over your life. That really is contrary to what the Bible says. Jesus said to the disciples, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed (the smallest seed in that geographic area that brings forth what looks like a tree so large that birds can perch in it) you can say (speak) to that mountain, and command that it be cast into the sea, and it will.”

I have a personal story that I would like to share to illustrate this statement that Jesus made. My wife did not tell me for a long time that she had several lumps on her breast. She had prayed for healing continuously and didn’t understand why God had not taken away this affliction. So she kept this serious problem to herself and prayed alone. One day after much prayer she felt strongly impressed by the Lord to, “Speak” to that mountain and “Then” it will be removed! Up to this point she had tried to deny the existence of the “mountain.” Upon confession of the mountain, which in her case was a lump in her breast, the infirmity began to shrink until it was completely gone. Unfortunately, you do not always receive healing this quickly, and some never receive healing at all. Still, you cannot allow it to control you or set your destiny.
In the proverbs the Lord says,” I know the plans I have for you. Plans to do you good and not evil.” You must come under the covering of God’s Holy Word and its influence, power, and control over your life. You have overcome in Christ’s love. He has overcome the world and you through Him have overcome the world as well. That is a past tense statement because it has already been accomplished through Christ’s resurrection, and if you are in Christ then you currently have overcome, too, whether you feel like it or not.

Speaking of this I think we need to discuss in brevity your feelings and how useless they are in your life. Feelings and emotions are in your old nature. Your old nature is fallen and sinful. Your old nature is susceptible of being deceived. It will lie to you. It will get you into trouble. As a matter of fact the area (soul) of your feelings and emotions is where it resides and has set up its headquarters. This is where it dispatches the information, thoughts, feelings, and experiences of our lives to come up with its reasonings. It takes us reading God’s Holy Word to diminish its negative influence and wash us clean and begin laying a new foundation based on truth that will never lie to you.

Another point I would like to make about defining your it is that many times it is not often the outward symptom but an underlining and many times subtle issue hiding underneath. For instance, it may be that you deal with outbursts of anger when the problem does not deserve that kind of response? You are going along in life and things seem to be looking good for you, and then, out of nowhere, a small problem hits or something just does not go the way you wanted it to or you’re trying to repair something around the house and you have no control over the situation, then “Bam!” Out of no where you are torn out of your frame and ready to tear something else out of its frame. Afterwards you are remorseful and ashamed that such a small problem can get to you so quickly. You may tell yourself that you have anger issues. Well, that is most definitely an outward expression, but is it truly the root of the problem? Is anger really your true it? Maybe it is, but maybe there is something much deeper growing in the dark undetected region of your subconscious. It could be that your it is the fact that your dad never took time to teach you how to repair or work on household or mechanical problems and when these problems arise and you can’t get it repaired, then that underlying hurt toward your dad comes out of hiding and rears its ugly head through anger. In the end it is not anger at all but un-forgiveness and/ or resentment. The reason I am aware of this is because the illustration I just gave is about me.
My dad never spent time with me at all. He rarely ever let me hold his tools and explain to me what he was doing and how to repair a broken item around the house. The only two times I ever remember him allowing me to participate with him I did not do it right and he yelled at me with frustration and what I perceived as disgust. So, I never put myself in that situation again and built a wall of protection. Well I never learned how to repair anything and because of the lack of opportunity as a young boy when I grew into a young man I was very careful not to put myself into situations that would show my ignorance.
You see, guys are supposed to know the difference between a radiator and an alternator. I simply did not know nor did I care. Well, until I had car problems and then I would have to go to an automotive shop. When you go to an automotive shop, the person behind the counter always has to ask you thirteen additional questions about your car, such as how many cylinders, the make, model, year, engine size, small block, large block, and on and on it goes. This would only ignite my anger and insecurities even more. My rage in my early years was palpable. It is only by God’s grace that I have grown in this area at all.
I want to be honest with you since we are becoming friends. To this day I still have to deal with this issue in my life. Even after having forgiven my dad and growing past our personal problems, when I cross a mechanical problem around the house I have to pray that the Lord will give me wisdom and patience to see it through. I also ask my wife and kids to leave the house since I must have complete silence and no distractions. Christmas time and birthdays are stressful times for me with the kid’s toys I have to assemble. If it is at all possible, I try to see if I can pay someone at the store to assemble the item for me. When I have to assemble the items, I still sometimes wish I could get a hold of the engineers that put those instructions together! Now, when I get frustrated with something, I jokingly look up and say, “Thanks Dad.” Then I laugh at the situation and say to myself, “Jeff, just get over IT!”

Once you have defined your it and have written it down, you can begin assigning biblical principals to it as strategies. When I train people to “Conceive, Believe, and Achieve,” I instruct them that they must put feet on their dreams and desires. A dream will remain just that unless we create a plan and work that plan. I encourage people to take out a piece of paper and write down at least one of their dreams or life goals no matter how silly or ridiculous it might be to others. When we write down our goals, it is as if we have just written out a contract to ourselves whereby we are obligated to perform on this agreement and bring it to success! I them ask them to write out to the side of their goal at least three steps they will take in the next thirty days to get the ball in motion.
When these are completed and the goal has not been attained, I usually find that the participants have gotten caught up into making their dream a reality and they are self-motivated to continue pursuing and attempting to apprehend that goal. These same principles can apply to what we are discussing today. When you have narrowed down to a point your it; I would encourage you to go to God’s word and find a correlating scripture that will be your strategy. If you are not well versed in the Bible at this point in your life, then find someone who is. Maybe you have a family member that is knowledgeable or your pastor could help you. When your strategy is in alignment with God’s Holy Word then you will have a promise joined with His power to point you in the right direction, place you on the right path, and guide you to victory where you will receive the prize of peace and healing. This is a journey not a jaunt. This is a long distance race not a sprint. We live in a fast- paced world with fast food and microwaves, and we want it done yesterday. Sometimes you can get quick results and a weight taken off of you; however, if this is a real problem and you have dealt with it for years, then it will probably take you some time to put the reins on it so you can control it rather than it controlling you.
The hope is that Jesus said that He is the Author and Finisher of your faith. He will see you through whatever it is. It is a relationship where we confess our needs to Him, and He will carry us to our final destination. King Solomon wrote in the book of Proverbs, “Man makes his plans but it is the Lord who guides his path.” We do have a part to play in our healing and that part is confessing the issue and doing what the Lord asks us to do. It really is pretty simple but it can be difficult. In the next chapter I will discuss my it and relate to you the difficulties you will face through this process but also the results that you will enjoy as well. So, get your hurdling shoes on because there are some obstacles ahead!
Jeff Clay
aka/Jumpin Jeff

photo credit: merfam

Just Get Over IT! Ch.2
My Dad, My IT!

Well, as I shared in Chapter one, and I know you all will now agree, that each one of us has our own unique it or its. Obviously, I would not be writing this book if I did not have an it or two of my own. To begin speaking of my own personal struggles, and ultimately my victories over them, I will have to go back to my childhood. I’ll discuss the “challenged,” sometimes nonexistent relationship between Don (my dad) and myself. I will use my dad’s first name throughout this chapter because “Dad” was not who he was to me!
My personal struggles were in the emotional arena rather than the physical. I was, by my given nature, a painfully shy and bashful little boy. With this as my base line, I needed a great deal of encouragement and attention from those around me, especially from Don. I have read many statistics of men who are incarcerated, and 100% of them had little to no relationship with their fathers. I have tried to think back in time to understand why I never bonded with Don or to recall the exact point of calling him Don. I cannot pinpoint that moment in time or the reasons for it. I found through my life experiences with Don, as I aged, that he just seemed to not want a relationship with me. Or maybe he did. Quite possibly, Don was likely so messed up himself that he did not know how to have a relationship with me. Suffice it to say, a father/son bond was never there for us.
I can remember his actions toward me even in the simplest situations were always frustrated. My lack of self-esteem was only exacerbated by how worthless he continually made me feel. I was shy and insecure but not stupid. It didn’t take me long to figure out how to avoid his constant belittling. DISTANCE! Harsh words are difficult to shake and will impact a life significantly especially from someone who has an influential role in our lives.

Remember when we were on the playground and a battle of words went back and forth between two children? One of the children would make that infamous and profound statement, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!” How many of us have said that or have believed that this statement is somehow true? Many times when you hear a something over and over again you begin to think it has some legitimacy; however, through time I have experienced that this statement has severe holes in it! Think about it. A bruise fades, a broken bone can be cast, apply some ointment on the cut… you get the point. Eventually your body will heal. Not so with hurtful, angry words! The sad reality is that they echo in your heart. They go on and on… In God’s Word, we are told that there is “life and death in the power of the tongue.” And if words spoke with malice are just left unhealed, like any physical injury, “infection” sets in and spreads. The truth is that a word spoken, whether a good one or bad one, has the power to cut down to the soul and be with you forever. The power of the word is exponentially stronger if the person speaking it is someone who carries a great deal of influence in your life such as a parent or guardian!

“There is life and death in the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21).
What this is truly saying in the original language of scripture is that we have within our ability power to create and to destroy! The Lord has given us the privilege and the awesome responsibility similar to that which He employed in creating the world; however, on a smaller and more individual basis. Imagine a child whose parents constantly affirm their unconditional love for him, support him in the choices he makes, build him up with encouraging words by telling him that they believe in him, and he can do anything if he sets his mind to it. Do you believe the chances of this child growing up to be a successful human being will be increased? Of course it will! There is creative power in the tongue!
Now on the other hand, a parent who is condescending, and degrading might say, “You will never amount to anything. I tried, failed, and you will too.” What are the chances that this child will make anything out of their lives? The percentages are very slim for this person. All you need to do is visit a local prison, homeless shelter, or a crisis center in any town, and you will see and speak to many men and women who had this kind of parent who spewed anger and hatred. Just as destructive is the parent who was nowhere to be found.
Now, I realize that individuals have a will, and can change the direction of their lives. I believe I am one of these individuals. I could have very easily made decisions to head down the same road Don chose to go down in life. My kids and wife could be suffering the same challenges as my mom, sister, and I endured. There are many reading this book today that have made a willful decision to make it over some pretty high obstacles in this life to get to where you are. I commend you for your perseverance! I will speak more about how our will plays into the outcome of our its in chapter 3. Suffice it to say, we need to be very careful and thoughtful with this awesome power and responsibility of the words that we wield on a daily basis with our tongue. We each carry a great amount of influence to those around us whether in our families, work, school, and recreation. There are many people watching and listening to us as we speak, and the effects of our words can be life or death, creative or destructive!

To continue on the emotional challenges that I experienced, I will have to share with you that what I endured was much more challenging than hurtful words spoken or physical pain. Believe it or not there is something even worse than the spoken word. The most hurtful words are those that are never spoken! These were the words from Don that I longed for, begged for, and my soul ached to attain but was never able to apprehend. I try so hard as a dad to now end each day with long talks with my girls. We catch up on the day. We pray and I always, always reassure them of my love and tell them how proud I am of them. Oh, to have heard those two statements from Don – even one time. “I love you.” For a boy, especially this insecure, little boy, even more importantly, “I am proud of you.” PRICELESS! I recall being torn between wanting to be close to him and guarding myself by pushing him away.

I can remember only once, while sitting with my mom watching TV that my father came and sat down beside me and stroked my hair. I will never forget it as long as I live. I froze. I didn’t want to move for fear that that “magical moment” would end. I just held my breath and prayed this feeling would never go away. I was so deeply moved by this moment that I allowed my wall of protection that I had built around my heart to instantly crumble. But, you see Don only did one thing in his life consistently, abandon us. And yes, he did it to us again. I can’t remember how many weeks went by this time before he left. It didn’t matter. All that matters was that he left.

When I turned ten years old things worsened exponentially. Don was now drinking off and on. More on than off! He was there in the flesh but his mind never was. Don had a lot of depression in his life. Everyone knew when it came upon him. It was like a cloud of heaviness and sadness that hung over our home. More obvious was the presence of beer in the refrigerator. He would not speak with us and would often remove himself to a dark corner of the house and just stare off into a distant place. He would then begin his slow demise into depression and alcohol. This was just a few of his it’s. And the “its just kept on coming”. Don’s its seemed larger than he was most of the time.

I knew without being told I should not bother him when he was in this condition. We constantly walked on the proverbial egg shells around him. He would have moments of rage and literally tear the doors off the hinges, and smash his hand through coffee tables. Once the anger would show we knew then that it was just a matter of time before he would pack up his tools, painting equipment, Coleman stove and leave us again. We thought he was crazy, but maybe on some level he cared enough to leave before he hurt us. (physically, I mean.)

When this started happening frequently, I can remember being scared for my mom and sister because I did not know what he was capable of. I remember in the beginning, after one of these episodes of anger happened, I went to school the next day and as I sat in the cafeteria at my Elementary School, I began to cry. I was afraid that Don would kill my mom and sister, and when I came home they would be gone and I would be on my own or even worse – with Don. Now, whether this was a legitimate fear or not it was a real concern for me because I saw the anger and destruction that was manifested from Don. I had real fear, real worry, and real concern for Mom, and my sister.

These worries and fears gripped my little heart and mind to the point that my grades in school began to decline. I could not pay attention in class. In addition to feeling insecure, painfully shy, afraid of possible rejection, and failure, I also felt inferior to everyone so I kept myself out of situations where someone could say or do something to make me feel worse about myself. My inability to keep up with my peers in the classroom moved me into a new setting. After a long period of struggling to keep up, I was taken out of the regular Elementary classes and placed in a “Special” class. It turned out to be for those kids that had mental disorders. I knew I wasn’t “challenged” in the same way as the kids in this new class. These kids were born with mental disorders. My “disorders” were just from life’s obstacles. It did not take long before I began to say to myself, “Yeah, that is why Don never liked you in the first place. It’s because you are stupid!” Well, what did I do? I embraced the situation as it looked like I was in it for a while. Hey, I actually got to run in the Special Olympics! I might add with a little humor, that I finished pretty good in the running and jumping events! Soon, I think the teacher realized my misplacement in her class. She even asked me to forfeit my 1st place trophy. With a little sadness, I conceded. Why not? Dad didn’t notice anyway. I wondered to myself – Special Olympics or a gold medal in the World Olympics, would I ever get Don to notice?

As you might guess, things continued to worsen over the next two years in every way. That hurt little boy was growing into an angry young man. During those two years Don had abandoned us numerous times. Most of these departures were to mental hospitals for him to try and get some help. Our “family time” was a trip to visit him in the “psych wards.” Not such fun memories for a young boy as these experiences revealed a darker world than someone my age should experience.

On one particular occasion, Don was leaving to bet treated at yet another mental facility. This, I believe, was the worst emotionally charged day I have ever experienced in my life. I remember this day vividly like it happened yesterday. We all met as a family (if you could call us that) in the dining room. Don had his suitcase packed again. I was of course very angry, cold, and distant towards him. I was sitting in a chair as he sat down on the coffee table facing me, so as to speak directly to me. Mom was to his right side, and I noticed she had been crying. That made me extremely mad! He said to me, “Jeff, I know that you think that I am a (expletive), and you probably wish I would leave this time and never come back, but I want you to take care of your mom and sister because you are the man of the house now.” After he made that statement, every fiber and cell of my body, every emotion, past and present and all my hurt feelings seemed to take on a life of their own within me. I wanted to hit him as hard as I could in the face. I must have retained one smart cell that said, “Hey, Stupid he will pummel you!” Well, in an instant my second response was quick, out of character for me, and surprisingly very direct. I replied sharply, “Yes, I do believe you are as I repeated the expletive he used (which I do not condone), and I do wish you would never come back, because we would be better off, and we would make it just fine without you!” I couldn’t stop it. It flowed as a river cascading over the side of a mountain. I shocked myself as I was always very respectful to all adults even those I did not like.

I will never forget Don’s response. His head dropped like a 500- pound weight had just fallen on it. His facial expression was the saddest I have ever seen of any human being to this day. He was devastated! He slowly raised himself up off of that coffee table. I could tell it took every ounce of strength the man had in his body to do so. He picked up his suitcase, and shuffled to the door.

I did not think that it would really matter to him one bit what I thought or said. I did not know that he even recognized that I was alive much less that he cared about what I thought of him. That day solidified our personal separation as son and father. I hate to admit this because it hurts me to say now but I had so much anger inside of me from all those years of abandonment and rejection that I received a great deal of satisfaction from his response to my statement. I hoped I had dealt the knock out punch, and he would never get up and come back again! Don’s inducting me into the role of the, “man of the house,” and to, “take care of my mom and sister,” was just as devastating a blow as what I said to him. Looking back, I don’t believe he had any malice whatsoever in making that statement. Yet, it had a life altering effect on me. I did personally take on the role as the man of the house that day.

Now, I realize that at age twelve I was not able to work, and provide financially for mom, and Stacy (my sister), but I took on the mental pressure of that role. I felt guilty when the lights, water, and phone were turned off or when our extended family would have to bring us groceries, and hand-me-down clothes. I was supposed to be able to take care of this but how? Although, I never told anyone, the weight of carrying the family made me a nervous wreck and exacerbated my already fragile emotional problems. It wasn’t until years later, with Don once again MIA, my sister came to me and said, “You’ve been like a dad to me, and I want you to walk me down the aisle and give me away at my wedding.” I have tears in my eyes as I type these words because for me I felt that maybe, just maybe I did fulfill that role as man of the house in some small way. It was a proud day for me.

Over the next few years of Middle School, puberty (which in itself is enough to take you over the deep end as a young man), and then High School, there was a continual cycle of Don coming, and going. He left so frequently it just became “normal” and sort of a joke to us. No matter what I said or how I tried to laugh it away, deep down in a very small but guarded place in my heart was a flicker of hope that Don would notice me one day, and we would have a loving, respectful relationship.

When I began attending High School, many of my classmates, who had noticed my unique jumping and running abilities, began encouraging me to go out for Track and Field. It took some effort on my part to make that first track meet after school as I was petrified of new groups and the unexpected, but it is one effort that I am so glad I forced myself to make. I believe track found me rather than me finding it. Most every event had jumping and hurdling in it. It did not take long for me to hone my God- given talents and begin winning most every jumping event I entered. However, with all the cheers for my 1st place trophies and record-breaking accomplishments, the only one that I wanted to look into the stands and see still wasn’t there.

I hated that I let him “matter,” still I had deep inside of my heart that small flicker of hope that cried, “Just maybe Don will see or hear how well I am at jumping, and he will tell me how special he thinks I am.” I would visualize myself after winning the events, setting a meet record, and as I was receiving that gold medal standing on the first place pedestal, I would here my dad say, “That’s my son right there!” It never happened. I would have gladly traded places with the kid who had barely placed, yet left with his father’s arm around him. It is a strange thing to be a winner but feel like the greatest loser of all time. All of my victories were hollow. Every race and jumping event was fueled by a deep desire to be recognized by Don. I still have those medals to this day, but I boxed them away because every time I looked at them they reminded me of how many times I was rejected rather than how many times I was victorious. I guess deep down this is why I never pursued the major southern collegiate offers to go to college on scholarships.
It was during this time frame that I became consumed with winning and being the best at high-jump events. One gift God had given me is a spirit of perseverance, self motivation, and dedication. During the summer of my freshman year, after having attempted the high-jump for the first time and equaling the school record, I made a decision I was going to break that record. I looked around the house and found some discarded tent poles to create a high-jump standard. I did not, at the time, have any mattresses to land on so I simply hurdled the bar to build up the strength in my legs. After one such hurdle, I came back under the bar to measure the height I just cleared and it was several inches higher than I stood at the time (five foot ten inches tall). I just happen to look over at the family car (which was 15 years old and had dents and dings all over it) and decided to try and hurdle it. I backed up in our neighbors yard, took off as fast as I could run, hoping that the speed would give me the momentum to clear the distance as I knew I could get over the height. That day I bounded over the family VW Beetle and cleared the roof by two feet.

I didn’t think much more than that about what I had just done, but a neighbor across the street had been watching me. She came out and said, “Good Lord, Jeff, can you do that again?” I cleared it again and again for each and every onlooker. It wasn’t Don’s attention, but it was attention.

My high school years and my track experience passed by rather fast. I was at the age now that Don saw me as a man and not a boy. Looking back I realize my accomplishments only inflamed Don’s inferiorities. I began feeling an even stronger push from him. I was a threat to his manhood.

The last discouraging event that took place before I left home came when Don either got fired or quit his job again and our lights and water was cut off again. Mom was working a full time job as was I, but Don just decided he would not let the power being off affect him. He got his Coleman stove and fired him up some coffee and beanie weenies (a Southern Delicacy) and just camped out there. Oh, I failed to tell you that he did not need to work as he began to charge me $200.00 (this was in 1982) for my old room at home. Needless to say, that did not last long as mom encouraged me to look for a place of my own. Our family was ultimately dissolving and after I left home, my parents officially divorced.
After I moved out, there were years where I did not know if Don was alive or not. There were those brief times where we would cross paths on our small town streets, but not even a wave. I went on with my life and business and attempted to let the past be the past. There would be only one last proverbial straw for me. The day came as I was working, and a call came from a stranger. On the other end of the line was a distraught woman telling me that my dad was drunk, having fallen face first into a mud hole in her front yard, and her daughter was terrified. She had found my business card in his wallet, I assume. When I heard her words it shredded my heart, and I filled up with anger and embarrassment. I told her that I was certain if she told this man she was going to call the police he would sober up pretty quickly and go home. I went on to tell her (or tell myself, I’m not sure) that I wasn’t sure how this man got my card, but it couldn’t possibly be my dad. “My dad,” I said, “had been dead for years.” It was that day that my dad died in my heart and mind. I was so tired of the hurt and the embarrassment. I hung that phone up that day and went on with my life. My IT was dead, and dealt with! So I thought.

Jeff Clay/aka Jumpin Jeff

photo credit: AperturePriority

My speaking engagement at Naomi Elementary School’s Red Ribbon Week seemed to go well. The children appeared to respond to the message of, Just Getting Over Life’s Obstacles. The topic was to make right decisions against drugs. I shared the story about my cousin who made wrong decisions about drugs and was killed at the young age of 18. I also shared my dad’s struggles with Alcohol use and the hurdles our family had to get over because of the impact those wrong decisions created. I told them not to trust the TV Marketing where you see a lot of pretty girls ans sharp looking guys standing around a pool having fun drinking a few beers. The real stories of making wrong decisions about drugs and alcoohol are those we rarely see or hear of where there are broken homes, angry parents, divorce, being fired from work, power and water cut off, families being evicted from ther homes, innocent lives lost becasue of drunk drivers and the list goes on.
At the end of the conversation I allowed them to ask questions and I could tell that many in the room had connected with the challenges of my life story and they began to open up to share with me and ask for help. I was and remain touched by their innocence and personal struggles. I wish to God that I could take away their pain and help their lives to be filled with the joy that a young child deserves to have!
Well, we can pray and I do ask my Father in the name of His Son Jesus to protect these children, watch over them and give them safety, joy and peace. Also, may Christ’s love abide in their hearts. I pray that the words I shared with them will encourage them to make right decisions in life so that they can make it better for their children, for the lives that they interact with as they grow up and lastly, their community when they are grown!
I was proud to meet each and every one of them and trust they will do great things in this life!
Jumpin Jeff